How To Date Jewish, And Be Good At It. Really, Really, Good.

So, you want to date, mate, and live a good life? How do we do that, you ask?…With a goal in mind.
No, not to get laid. Not this time. Not now, not yet. Hold on there cowboy and cowgirl, that all comes later. Much later. This article is for those of you who are serious about dating, really serious, and who are truly interested in finding a partner. Easier said than done yes, so here are some guidelines from a Jewish mother who dated a lot back in the day, and found her beschert. There are rules of engagement though. And just so we’re clear,  a successful  date doesn’t mean you’ve scored. To have a successful date, and to be successful, means one thing, and one thing only; That you’ve been honest and true to yourself, because the only behaviour and choices we have control over, are our own. That,  is a successful date, and that is the place where you’ll find you had the best time, because, you, were you, the real you, and not the “you” you think the other person wants, or the you you’re afraid to be. That person always catches up with you and wrecks everything.

So, whether you’re looking for love, or looking for love again, here are 5 simple tips for dating jewish, and being really, really good at it. And remember the goal….to connect, and have a good time. No connection? Meh! It’s an open door for you to find the right. Just have fun with it and go with the flow. Here we go….

1. Know Who You Are. This may sound silly, but if you have no idea about who you are, what you’re about, and feel comfortable with yourself. Look in the mirror–this is a technique I often suggest to my clients to do if they’re feeling “lost”, or want to make some changes. This exercise is best done at night, when your defences are down, and you’re more relaxed. Spend a few minutes with  yourself just looking. And ladies, make sure the make-up is off. You must be looking at, and thinking about, the real you.

2. Know your Negotiables and Non-Negotiables. We all have them. Things that we’re willing to put up with and make concessions for, and things we’re not willing to put up. This exercise can be invaluable to everything you do in your life, but especially so when dating, because the worst thing is time-wasting when you’re looking for quality people to spend valuable time with.

3. Commit To The Commitment. This relates to #2. It’s not enough making a resolution or deciding upon something if you don’t make a concerted verbal and mental commitment to stick to your values, or your negotiables and non-negotiables. This may be the make-or-break part of your personality that will keep you going back to the wrong person. Stick to your guns. You can do it, if you really want to.

4. Leave Your Ego At Home.  Forget leaving it at the door–that’s still too close. Your date may be able to detect your ego before you finish your first sentence, and then the date’s over before it even began. You don’t need to impress anyone. This is why so many relationships end within the first year…because many  people put on airs, pretend to more than they are, and inflate themselves to look better or more desirable. That’s when the “honeymoon period” becomes a reality and you realize that your sweetie is really a nightmare in disguise. I’m not saying don’t look good. Quite the contrary. You may just want want to keep “Slick” at home.

5. Keep Your Expectations In Check. Go in committed to having a good time with you, and leave feeling good about yourself! We, ourselves, are the only ones responsible for our own happiness. No one else. So have a good time, be yourself, and everything else is icing on the cake.

6. Don’t Talk About Yourself Unless Asked. We’re all good talkers. Who doesn’t like talking about themselves? But when we’re dating, especially when it’s new, the very last thing the other person wants is to hear an endless stream of garble about themselves. When we’re interested in the other person, the way we show that is by being curious, asking questions, and showing interest. If you find yourself sitting across the table from someone speaking endlessly about themselves, ask yourself, how interested in me are they, as it would otherwise seem that they’re more interested in themselves and making themselves feel good. (That being the case, go talk to the mirror.)

7. Listen. Listening and hearing are different. We hear many things around us, but are we listening? Being an active listener means acknowledging and validating, and participating in the conversation. It’s a two-way street baby, so make sure you’re present, participating, and listening well.

8. There Are No Rules. Bottom line is, even the game players, at the end of the day, when they’re looking for the “right” person, (and not even necessarily Mrs. Right), want to call you. And they sit there too, chomping at the bit, waiting for the right time to call, following some silly code of rules. Well, who the heck made up those rules anyway. If they’re interested in you, he or she will be happy you called, period. So why wait. The true acid test in that is this–If you call sooner then later, and there’s no response in return, it’s all good, because the interest wasn’t there anyway. You’ve just found out sooner than later and that, is a gift, because now you can move on without wasting any un-due time.

Dating doesn’t have to be a game. That’s see-through, and most of us can see through that crap quick. Dating can be fun, as long as you go into it with a healthy outlook and a positive perspective.

Happy Dating!!!

Intimate Horizons

  An important spiritual principle is that material existence was predicated by the desire to cultivate expressions of true love and the intimacy it cultivates. Material existence necessitated individuality and an exploration of separateness. A return from separateness is always at the fulcrum driving any memorable love story. In essence, individuality itself gave birth to an awareness of isolation and an awareness of feeling “incomplete”. It is this awareness of falling short of eternity that is the crux of the world’s spiritual disciplines. Still, isolation also propels the accumulation of passion. Passion drives creative expression, and is the the very current propelling discovering more intimate horizons.
Passion is the very fuel that secures spiritual emergence, enhanced clarity and greater wholeness within self. When properly calibrated such passion can set a soul alight so that it can transcend contention and pedigree of material considerations and set a course that imbues all aspects of life with vibrant expressions of true love. The often elusive destinations of  inner peace and satisfaction is seeded by true love and a love that is best cultivated by an openness to the unknown, but familiar. It is a journey of emerging to a greater intimacy.
But a soul that chooses to cleave to residue expressions of shame cannot experience authentic intimacy within self or with another. These feelings of shame will continually stifle one’s inner spiritual emergence, and saddle one with feelings of inadequacy. The more you choose to remain linear minded about growth, the more you will find yourself thwarted by feelings of deficit. Traces of shame will boil to the fore and block your growth to profoundly intimate expressions of being. This is because shame and Intimacy cannot mix. One is an expression of authentic engagement and the other disconnect. Personal judgments, and fetishes for parsimony weigh heavily upon the soul attempting to climb tiers of inner growth on the ladder to a greater love. This is why sincere individuals often find their authentic efforts of inner development cyclically  rebuffed, feeling as if their sincere aspirations are time and again leveled to rock bottom.
These souls can grow quite weary and too ashamed to exchange for truly intimate expressions. They often find themselves knotted with feelings of how they have been gifted with so much, but tend to contribute so very little. They are unable to adequately justify, or even articulate the nature of their own existence. In romantic terms, this is akin to lovers that feel compelled to close their eyes when exchanging expressions of unabashed intimacy, finding themselves incapable of partnering eye to eye as equals.
It is because they have not yet reconnected with True Love,  the native language of the soul. True love is essentially unconditional, it cannot be given, but can only be shared. And as you share it, more of it is able to flow through your soul on its way to touching the lives of others.
Without this vital expression, the soul is destined to be perpetually stuck with feelings of inadequacy and having to accomplish so much more. True Love alone harmonizes all deficits, and frees one to boldly graduate beyond such pettiness. It is the essential elixir that kisses the soul and imbues it with a halo of enhanced direction and purpose.
As you discover how to use True Love to live more harmoniously with all that you are, you have developed the essential training to live harmoniously and truly intimately with the soul of another. In this light, relationship can pave the pathway to a far greater gestalt, an eternal love story that transcending all worldly consideration.”

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A Forever Moment

Love is a happening, a forever moment, it imbues your individuality & charts the course of your soft dawning to romance the sanctity eclipsed within.

– (<3 is)



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