You’ve got a hot date coming up, and you’re on fire. This is the guy, and you want to look hot, irresistible, wanted. So what is a girl to do? Shop. Us girls can certainly shop ’til we drop, especially when we want to impress someone. So, we go out, and buy….jewellery, new shoes, a great new top, a new lipstick….it’s endless. Here’s my question. Do you find yourself shopping a lot before a date? Or in anticipation for a date, or a get-together with other singles. Looked in the closet lately? Checked out your make-up drawer lately? Is is hard to choose because you just have so much stuff? Do you find that before every actual or pending event or date, you shop?
It may not all be about the buy, the date, the event, or the guy. If this sounds like you, you may not be not buying for the big night. As a behaviourist, you may be buying to fill an emotional gap. Shoppers, eaters, and savers (mild hoarders) buy for several reasons. The two most common reasons are because there are emotional issues that have not been resolved, and the second, to full fill one’s desire “to have”, to feel wanted and needed. The trouble with this is, the high doesn’t last, and once “the buy” is done, the high goes bye-bye.
Your success when dating, or being social, isn’t going to depend or hinge on how much adornment you’re wearing. Confidence and self-esteem are made from within. That guy, or anyone for that matter, isn’t going to be attracted or inspired by the “real” you because of your accessories. They’ll be intrigued and interested in you because of who you are, and who and what you’re projecting. Even though a great pair of heels, our favourite lipstick, or our favourite black tank can help us to feel more confident, the basis of that confidence and assured self-esteem can only from loving ourselves first, and being comfortable with who we are and where we are in life. Time to go find yourself, like yourself, love yourself, and be ok with why you see. If you’re not, look at yourself in the mirror, make-up off, and ask yourself….what do I like about myself, what do I not like about myself, and who do I really want to be. Once you’ve answered these questions, you’ll be more successful in whatever you do. Accessorize away, and get ready for that date.
Women want real men. Women want men to be themselves, and not fake or put-on, full of egocentricity and arrogance. These behaviours, by the way, are protective mechanisms, shielding the ego from rejection. That’s another article. The last thing you want is to wake up a few months down the road and realize the honeymoon period is suddenly over because you’re now experiencing the “real” guy.
Put your best, real self forward first. Don’t play games. I know, everyone does, but that doesn’t mean you have to as well. It only prolongs you from attracting the right people and finding those you want to be with, and who really want to be with you. Finding yourself, learning about who and what you are, what you stand for, what your okay and not okay with, knowing your triggers, weaknesses, strengths, wants and desires, is achievable. Once you find yourself, you can find him. If this all feels overwhelming, it tells me you may have a bit of work to do. It’s for you, and for your future happiness. Take the time to know you, and like you, and everyone else, will follow. If you’re still stumped, let me know. I can help.
Lauren Millman is a Certified Relationship & Dating Coach Practitioner in practice for over 11 years. Lauren has a degree in Psychology, is an International Best Selling Author, TV Host, and Writer for several E-Magazines and Websites including SiriusXM and Huffington Post, and has helped hundreds of men and women who are dating for the first time, or who have found themselves dating again after divorce, and who are looking for love.
Finding “the one” is never easy, but with Lauren’s expertise in teaching you dating skills and techniques, and helping you with your self-confidence and reminding you why the opposite sex really wants, your dating success can be that much more.
We feel very lucky to have Lauren, her wisdom, and great her advice, here with us at Soulmates, and we highly recommend her to help you. Lauren brings years of expertise to her teaching skills and techniques, her understanding of behaviour, and her genuine interest and approach in helping you find your “One and Only”. Lauren can be reached at 416-576-5881, or by email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
All calls are highly confidential.