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Accessorize. Accessorize. Accessorize. Ladies, this one’s for you.

Posted on December 9, 2015 by Lauren Millman

You’ve got a hot date coming up, and you’re on fire. This is the guy, and you want to look hot, irresistible, wanted. So what is a girl to do? Shop. Us girls can certainly shop ’til we drop, especially when we want to impress someone. So, we go out, and buy….jewellery, new shoes, a great new top, a new lipstick….it’s endless. Here’s my question. Do you find yourself shopping a lot before a date? Or in anticipation for a date, or a get-together with other singles. Looked in the closet lately? Checked out your make-up drawer lately? Is is hard to choose because you just have so much stuff? Do you find that before every actual or pending event or date, you shop?

It may not all be about the buy, the date, the event, or the guy. If this sounds like you, you may not be not buying for the big night. As a behaviourist, you may be buying to fill an emotional gap. Shoppers, eaters, and savers (mild hoarders) buy for several reasons. The two most common reasons are because there are emotional issues that have not been resolved, and the second, to full fill one’s desire “to have”, to feel wanted and needed. The trouble with this is, the high doesn’t last, and once “the buy” is done, the high goes bye-bye.

Your success when dating, or being social, isn’t going to depend or hinge on how much adornment you’re wearing. Confidence and self-esteem are made from within. That guy, or anyone for that matter, isn’t going to be attracted or inspired by the “real” you because of your accessories. They’ll be intrigued and interested in you because of who you are, and who and what you’re projecting. Even though a great pair of heels, our favourite lipstick, or our favourite black tank can help us to feel more confident, the basis of that confidence and assured self-esteem can only from loving ourselves first, and being comfortable with who we are and where we are in life. Time to go find yourself, like yourself, love yourself, and be ok with why you see. If you’re not, look at yourself in the mirror, make-up off, and ask yourself….what do I like about myself, what do I not like about myself, and who do I really want to be. Once you’ve answered these questions, you’ll be more successful in whatever you do. Accessorize away, and get ready for that date.

Women want real men. Women want men to be themselves, and not fake or put-on, full of egocentricity and arrogance. These behaviours, by the way, are protective mechanisms, shielding the ego from rejection. That’s another article. The last thing you want is to wake up a few months down the road and realize the honeymoon period is suddenly over because you’re now experiencing the “real” guy.

Put your best, real self forward first. Don’t play games. I know, everyone does, but that doesn’t mean you have to as well. It only prolongs you from attracting the right people and finding those you want to be with, and who really want to be with you. Finding yourself, learning about who and what you are, what you stand for, what your okay and not okay with, knowing your triggers, weaknesses, strengths, wants and desires, is achievable. Once you find yourself, you can find him. If this all feels overwhelming, it tells me you may have a bit of work to do. It’s for you, and for your future happiness. Take the time to know you, and like you, and everyone else, will follow. If you’re still stumped, let me know. I can help.

Lauren. XO

The Journey to Love, not Loves Destination

Posted on November 20, 2015 by Lisa Kates

Every day there exists in the universe abundance, even if your perspective does not support this, because you lack something, (like your significant other) it is really an illusion. Every situation in your life has be designed for your own personal correction and growth. If this time in your life dictates that you are alone, well hello… enjoy the ride!

You can feel when love is alive in you and around you It is akin to living in a “lighter” existence, a “walking on water” feeling. You know one special person can evoke those feeling of elation, bliss and ecstasy in you However, it exists within you, that even without that special person, all those feeling of bliss can and exist in you. Everyone that has ever been loved, can actualize that program, embedded in your hardware. Just by reactivating that love, it becomes alive, as the moment you experienced it. Love is your elixir to inspire you to achieve your higher good and get closer to the Universal Intelligence ( Gd) that runs this place! If you want “love in your life” evoke the parts within you where love is alive. Ask yourself what inspires you to love. Invite Love in. Feel the places within you that may be blocked and are the impediments to achieving your desire to be loved and love back.

Precious hearts, download the programs of love, available to each person, in perfect alignment for each one of us Delete all the corrupted programs and virus’s within you that are stopping you from living in loves abundance. Just as you would like to have guests over for dinner, you could not expect for them to eat in a dirty kitchen and stale corrupted food. Your vessel must be prepared prior to wanting to meet your beshert.

Clear out the old and prepare each day anew, ready to love and be loved. There is no shortage of ways to imbue your spirit and your life with love.

If you find yourself single, without your significant other today, embrace it and be grateful that today you have the time to love yourself unconditionally without compromise. Most importantly thank your Gd or this precious time, designed for you. If you are impatient and want love now… then love. Find someone, something that needs love. We can activate our “love gene” many ways, it does not have to be in the normal format that you imagine. Visit someone less fortunate than yourself, and go love them, ( bring them a hot meal) rescue an animal if you have the means. Do something loving in your life today, it might lessen that “lack” you feel by not having your ideal picture of love revealed to you at this moment in time. And by doing so you will make a contribution into your own love bank and invite the attribute of Love into our world

Everything in life is always is in a state of change. Do not let yourself stagnate or crystallize in that place of lack. There is so much love, get into the flow of love, it will find you. Remember, there is no shortage of love in the universe, the only shortage is in your mind.

I love you : – )) and that can be your first deposit of love.

How To Date Jewish, And Be Good At It. Really, Really, Good.

Posted on November 17, 2015 by Lauren Millman

So, you want to date, mate, and live a good life? How do we do that, you ask?…With a goal in mind.

No, not to get laid. Not this time. Not now, not yet. Hold on there cowboy and cowgirl, that all comes later. Much later. This article is for those of you who are serious about dating, really serious, and who are truly interested in finding a partner. Easier said than done yes, so here are some guidelines from a Jewish mother who dated a lot back in the day, and found her beschert. There are rules of engagement though. And just so we’re clear, a successful date doesn’t mean you’ve scored. To have a successful date, and to be successful, means one thing, and one thing only; That you’ve been honest and true to yourself, because the only behaviour and choices we have control over, are our own. That, is a successful date, and that is the place where you’ll find you had the best time, because, you, were you, the real you, and not the “you” you think the other person wants, or the you you’re afraid to be. That person always catches up with you and wrecks everything.

So, whether you’re looking for love, or looking for love again, here are 5 simple tips for dating jewish, and being really, really good at it. And remember the goal….to connect, and have a good time. No connection? Meh! It’s an open door for you to find the right. Just have fun with it and go with the flow. Here we go….

1. Know Who You Are. This may sound silly, but if you have no idea about who you are, what you’re about, and feel comfortable with yourself. Look in the mirror–this is a technique I often suggest to my clients to do if they’re feeling “lost”, or want to make some changes. This exercise is best done at night, when your defences are down, and you’re more relaxed. Spend a few minutes with yourself just looking. And ladies, make sure the make-up is off. You must be looking at, and thinking about, the real you.

2. Know your Negotiables and Non-Negotiables. We all have them. Things that we’re willing to put up with and make concessions for, and things we’re not willing to put up. This exercise can be invaluable to everything you do in your life, but especially so when dating, because the worst thing is time-wasting when you’re looking for quality people to spend valuable time with.

3. Commit To The Commitment. This relates to #2. It’s not enough making a resolution or deciding upon something if you don’t make a concerted verbal and mental commitment to stick to your values, or your negotiables and non-negotiables. This may be the make-or-break part of your personality that will keep you going back to the wrong person. Stick to your guns. You can do it, if you really want to.

4. Leave Your Ego At Home. Forget leaving it at the door–that’s still too close. Your date may be able to detect your ego before you finish your first sentence, and then the date’s over before it even began. You don’t need to impress anyone. This is why so many relationships end within the first year…because many people put on airs, pretend to more than they are, and inflate themselves to look better or more desirable. That’s when the “honeymoon period” becomes a reality and you realize that your sweetie is really a nightmare in disguise. I’m not saying don’t look good. Quite the contrary. You may just want want to keep “Slick” at home.

5. Keep Your Expectations In Check. Go in committed to having a good time with you, and leave feeling good about yourself! We, ourselves, are the only ones responsible for our own happiness. No one else. So have a good time, be yourself, and everything else is icing on the cake.

6. Don’t Talk About Yourself Unless Asked. We’re all good talkers. Who doesn’t like talking about themselves? But when we’re dating, especially when it’s new, the very last thing the other person wants is to hear an endless stream of garble about themselves. When we’re interested in the other person, the way we show that is by being curious, asking questions, and showing interest. If you find yourself sitting across the table from someone speaking endlessly about themselves, ask yourself, how interested in me are they, as it would otherwise seem that they’re more interested in themselves and making themselves feel good. (That being the case, go talk to the mirror.)

7. Listen. Listening and hearing are different. We hear many things around us, but are we listening? Being an active listener means acknowledging and validating, and participating in the conversation. It’s a two-way street baby, so make sure you’re present, participating, and listening well.

8. There Are No Rules. Bottom line is, even the game players, at the end of the day, when they’re looking for the “right” person, (and not even necessarily Mrs. Right), want to call you. And they sit there too, chomping at the bit, waiting for the right time to call, following some silly code of rules. Well, who the heck made up those rules anyway. If they’re interested in you, he or she will be happy you called, period. So why wait. The true acid test in that is this–If you call sooner then later, and there’s no response in return, it’s all good, because the interest wasn’t there anyway. You’ve just found out sooner than later and that, is a gift, because now you can move on without wasting any un-due time.

Dating doesn’t have to be a game. That’s see-through, and most of us can see through that crap quick. Dating can be fun, as long as you go into it with a healthy outlook and a positive perspective.

Happy Dating!!!

True Lovers

Posted on January 3, 2014 by Brian Baruch

True lovers coalesce into profound expressions of mutual trust and shared authenticity. They break the polarizing shackles of parsimonious give and take by inculcating a greater spirit of communion. Although each enters defined by respective limitations, together they emerge as an embodiment of the spirit of something etherial and limitless.