“If there is no me, there is no him.”
The above quote teaches us something very important about relationships. That is, if we don’t know who we are, we have no starting point for being able to really know someone else.
Think about it – it’s true. If you say to someone ‘I love you’, but you have only a very vague idea of who “I” is, than who is the “I”, and if you don’t know who the “I” is, how can you have a relationship with another? (What’s love anyway? That’s a topic we’ll address in the near future). In fact how can you have any type of conversation with anyone, including yourself, that begins with “I” (as in ‘I love you, I want to, etc.)? The short, I don’t know how sweet, but true answer is, you can’t! Or at least if you did, you’d have to recognize that it can’t be a genuine interaction. In order to have a genuine interaction with other people you have to first be in a genuine interaction with yourself.
Most of us don’t have a connection with our true selves and I’ll tell you why.
My 18 month old daughter has a relatively real connection with herself. The reason is that the left side of her brain has not yet begun to develop, although according to nature it soon will. The reason this enables her to have a more genuine connection with herself and others is that the left side of the brain is responsible for storytelling with words, and since that ability has not fully developed within her, she is still sticking to nature’s script for who she is. She knows herself to be that way and so do the others in her life. No one would doubt it.
Stay tuned for next week when I’ll talk about nature’s script for who we are and what happens to it as we develop!
Gifted in inspiring people, Aliza Terris is passionate about helping individuals and couples develop their fullest potential for loving, living and being part of effective relationships. She is an enthusiastic counselor and therapist who positively directs people to an accurate awareness of themselves and others. Aliza is a talented facilitator of communication between people which lends itself to her expertise in relationship development. She is both student and teacher in the areas of personal development and self-actualization. Aliza earned her honors BA in psychology, BSW (Bachelors of social work) and MSW (Masters in Social Work) from York University in Toronto. She is also certified as a Meyers Briggs Personality Type Qualified administrator, and is trained in Imago Relationship Therapy. Aliza has applied her past and present research and practice to helping Jewish singles turn Matchmaker introductions into successful committed relationships. Among her many accomplishments on the relationship scene in Toronto are many personally made matches, running Toronto SpeedDating, lecturing at Singles events and writing a Dating Advice column. Additionally, Aliza has been invited as a keynote speaker on the topic of dating and relationship building for many Singles Weekends in both Canada and the United States. No matter what she is doing, she enjoys sharing it and with her amazing husband and lively children.