Adam and Eve had it good. Adam was lucky because he didn’t have to search far and wide. Eve was lucky because for Adam, she was a the right place at the right time, and she didn’t have to search far and wide either. Times have changed though, and meeting other eligibles isn’t so easy, but it can be a matter of being in the right place at the right time.

Thursday night date night, either with that special someone, or even your girls or guys, your group. You’ve decided to go to one of your favourite spots, because the last time, you had a great time. You love the place, and the people are great. And, you’re single, and you’ve always got one eye on the scenery, just-in-case, right? Sure. I remember those days. I had this one friend, and whenever we went out, she’d always be thinking, in the back of her mind who might she meet tonight. I know this because I remember her telling me. She didn’t want to meet strangers per se, but would be curious about who she may recognize and strike a connection with, or who might one of our friends bring along that’s “new.” That never happened. And if it did, that person really wasn’t “new”, they just hadn’t been out with us for a long time and chances were, she interested in them in the first place, so nothing ever happened for her when we did go out. Does this sound familiar?

As human beings, this is what we do. We’re great adherers of the “herd” mentality. We travel in groups and tend to repeat the same behaviours and go to the same place, and do the same things. Why? Because it’s what we learn to come to know. It’s familiar and comfortable. But when we’re single and “looking”, or ready to meet someone, going to the same places with the same people, time after time, only produces the same result; not much of anything. You end up having a nice time, but you’re not meeting anyone new. You just end up going to the same place with the same crowd.

Yes, the more the merrier, but in going to same places all the time, you may find that although you’re having a nice time, it’s the same old, same old. Time to step outside of the box, and think new, think different. Your hit rate here is about, oh, 100%. Go somewhere new. Go with people you don’t usually go out with. You’re guaranteed to at least see new people, if not meet new people. Stepping out of what’s comfortable not only exposes you to new, but exposes everyone else to new too, and, it builds character and confidence.  It’s win-win.

Change is difficult for most of us. But once tried, you may see that stepping out of your box brings new experiences, new people, and a new outlook too!

Lauren XO

 

 

 

 

You’ve got a hot date coming up, and you’re on fire. This is the guy, and you want to look hot, irresistible, wanted. So what is a girl to do? Shop. Us girls can  certainly shop ’til we drop, especially when we want to impress someone. So, we go out, and buy….jewellery, new shoes, a great new top, a new lipstick….it’s endless. Here’s my question. Do you find yourself shopping a lot before a date? Or in anticipation for a date, or a get-together with other singles. Looked in the closet lately? Checked out your make-up drawer lately? Is is hard to choose because you just have so much stuff? Do you find that before every actual or pending event or date, you shop?

It may not all be about the buy, the date, the event, or the guy. If this sounds like you, you may not  be not buying for the big night. As a behaviourist, you may be buying to fill an emotional gap. Shoppers, eaters, and savers (mild hoarders) buy for several reasons. The two most common reasons are because there are emotional  issues that have not been resolved, and the second, to full fill one’s desire “to have”, to feel wanted and needed. The trouble with this is, the high doesn’t last, and once “the buy” is done, the high goes bye-bye.

Your success when dating, or being social, isn’t going to depend or hinge on how much adornment you’re wearing. Confidence and self-esteem are made from within. That guy, or anyone for that matter, isn’t going to be attracted or inspired by the “real” you because of your accessories. They’ll be intrigued and interested in you because of who you are, and who and what you’re projecting. Even though a great pair of heels, our favourite lipstick, or our favourite black tank can help us to feel more confident, the basis of that confidence and assured self-esteem can only from loving ourselves first, and being comfortable with who we are and where we are in life. Time to go find yourself, like yourself, love yourself, and be ok with why you see. If you’re not, look at yourself in the mirror, make-up off, and ask yourself….what do I like about myself, what do I not like about myself, and who do I really want to be. Once you’ve answered these questions, you’ll be more successful in whatever you do. Accessorize away, and get ready for that date.

Women want real men. Women want men to be themselves, and not fake or put-on, full of egocentricity and arrogance. These behaviours, by the way, are protective mechanisms, shielding the ego from rejection. That’s another article. The last thing you want is to wake up a few months down the road and realize the honeymoon period is suddenly over because you’re now experiencing the “real” guy.

Put your best, real self forward first. Don’t play games. I know, everyone does, but that doesn’t mean you have to as well. It only prolongs you from attracting the right people and finding those you want to be with, and who really want to be with you. Finding yourself, learning about who and what you are, what you stand for, what your okay and not okay with, knowing your triggers, weaknesses, strengths, wants and desires,  is achievable. Once you find yourself, you can find him. If this all feels overwhelming, it tells me you may have a bit of work to do. It’s for you, and for your future happiness. Take the time to know you, and like you, and everyone else, will follow. If you’re still stumped, let me know. I can help.

Lauren. XO