Single? Unattached? Celebrating Valentine’s Day? Yes, You Are.

I am my own Valentine

It’s coming. Again. And every year, there are people who look forward to Valentine’s Day, and some who don’t. It’s nice if you have a special someone to share the day or evening with, and for some, not so nice if you don’t. This year, if you’re someone special who doesn’t have a special someone to share the day with, don’t fret. I’m here to tell you, you do.

Yes, you do. YOU!  Let’s face it, we get so caught up in the have to’s, the must do’s, and the should’s, that we cause and create much stress and anxiety for ourselves, all the while trying to find the balance in the rat race of work, life and finding love. But you’ve forgotten one thing, one very important thing. Yourself. How can you love someone, and how can someone love you, when you’ve forgotten to love yourself?

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be the pressure-cooker of dates and finding love that the media and marketers have cooked it up to be. This year, if you find yourself flying solo, embrace it. Sometimes things are the way they are, for you. Sometimes, in unwanted situations, there’s a gift, and here, on this day, the gift may just be the gift of being able to give to yourself. You love yourself, right? You deserve some personal TLC from none other, than yours truly…YOU.

No victims here. Enjoy the day. Make it an event. You’re incredible. Special. A very important person. Give to yourself. Treat yourself. This can be your special day. Get together with friends. See a movie, grab a bite, or stay in and get cozy with your favourite meal and a great movie. We never seem to get enough “me -time” anyway. Have fun, enjoy, but also spend some quiet time with yourself, to think, reflect, re-group, and re-evaluate. Growth and clarity often comes when we spend that quiet and meaningful time with ourselves, and this is my wish for you. You are empowered to think any way you choose, and to live any way you choose. Live it well, and enjoy YOU! Happy Valentine’s Day You!

 

Lauren xo

www.laurenmillman.com    Tel: 416-576-5881

 

 

How To Date Jewish, And Be Good At It. Really, Really, Good.

So, you want to date, mate, and live a good life? How do we do that, you ask?…With a goal in mind.
No, not to get laid. Not this time. Not now, not yet. Hold on there cowboy and cowgirl, that all comes later. Much later. This article is for those of you who are serious about dating, really serious, and who are truly interested in finding a partner. Easier said than done yes, so here are some guidelines from a Jewish mother who dated a lot back in the day, and found her beschert. There are rules of engagement though. And just so we’re clear,  a successful  date doesn’t mean you’ve scored. To have a successful date, and to be successful, means one thing, and one thing only; That you’ve been honest and true to yourself, because the only behaviour and choices we have control over, are our own. That,  is a successful date, and that is the place where you’ll find you had the best time, because, you, were you, the real you, and not the “you” you think the other person wants, or the you you’re afraid to be. That person always catches up with you and wrecks everything.

So, whether you’re looking for love, or looking for love again, here are 5 simple tips for dating jewish, and being really, really good at it. And remember the goal….to connect, and have a good time. No connection? Meh! It’s an open door for you to find the right. Just have fun with it and go with the flow. Here we go….

1. Know Who You Are. This may sound silly, but if you have no idea about who you are, what you’re about, and feel comfortable with yourself. Look in the mirror–this is a technique I often suggest to my clients to do if they’re feeling “lost”, or want to make some changes. This exercise is best done at night, when your defences are down, and you’re more relaxed. Spend a few minutes with  yourself just looking. And ladies, make sure the make-up is off. You must be looking at, and thinking about, the real you.

2. Know your Negotiables and Non-Negotiables. We all have them. Things that we’re willing to put up with and make concessions for, and things we’re not willing to put up. This exercise can be invaluable to everything you do in your life, but especially so when dating, because the worst thing is time-wasting when you’re looking for quality people to spend valuable time with.

3. Commit To The Commitment. This relates to #2. It’s not enough making a resolution or deciding upon something if you don’t make a concerted verbal and mental commitment to stick to your values, or your negotiables and non-negotiables. This may be the make-or-break part of your personality that will keep you going back to the wrong person. Stick to your guns. You can do it, if you really want to.

4. Leave Your Ego At Home.  Forget leaving it at the door–that’s still too close. Your date may be able to detect your ego before you finish your first sentence, and then the date’s over before it even began. You don’t need to impress anyone. This is why so many relationships end within the first year…because many  people put on airs, pretend to more than they are, and inflate themselves to look better or more desirable. That’s when the “honeymoon period” becomes a reality and you realize that your sweetie is really a nightmare in disguise. I’m not saying don’t look good. Quite the contrary. You may just want want to keep “Slick” at home.

5. Keep Your Expectations In Check. Go in committed to having a good time with you, and leave feeling good about yourself! We, ourselves, are the only ones responsible for our own happiness. No one else. So have a good time, be yourself, and everything else is icing on the cake.

6. Don’t Talk About Yourself Unless Asked. We’re all good talkers. Who doesn’t like talking about themselves? But when we’re dating, especially when it’s new, the very last thing the other person wants is to hear an endless stream of garble about themselves. When we’re interested in the other person, the way we show that is by being curious, asking questions, and showing interest. If you find yourself sitting across the table from someone speaking endlessly about themselves, ask yourself, how interested in me are they, as it would otherwise seem that they’re more interested in themselves and making themselves feel good. (That being the case, go talk to the mirror.)

7. Listen. Listening and hearing are different. We hear many things around us, but are we listening? Being an active listener means acknowledging and validating, and participating in the conversation. It’s a two-way street baby, so make sure you’re present, participating, and listening well.

8. There Are No Rules. Bottom line is, even the game players, at the end of the day, when they’re looking for the “right” person, (and not even necessarily Mrs. Right), want to call you. And they sit there too, chomping at the bit, waiting for the right time to call, following some silly code of rules. Well, who the heck made up those rules anyway. If they’re interested in you, he or she will be happy you called, period. So why wait. The true acid test in that is this–If you call sooner then later, and there’s no response in return, it’s all good, because the interest wasn’t there anyway. You’ve just found out sooner than later and that, is a gift, because now you can move on without wasting any un-due time.

Dating doesn’t have to be a game. That’s see-through, and most of us can see through that crap quick. Dating can be fun, as long as you go into it with a healthy outlook and a positive perspective.

Happy Dating!!!

Recipe for Peace

The premise of spirituality is that all of creation is a synergetic dance. Its’ ebb and flow drives perpetual exchange. Every giver is simultaneously receiving, and every receiver is simultaneously giving. While one process is achieved overtly, the other remains shrouded in mystique. Spirituality is the discipline for pulling back the curtain of mystery in ways that restore the architecture of the balance into realization.

Consider someone who gives a gift to another. To the untrained eye the receiver is returning nothing in exchange. However, a seasoned spiritualist realizes that the receiver is extending the gift of giving. By granting the gift of giving to the giver, the receiver bestows a gift that is spiritually affirming.Most relate to the Divine as a benevolent giver of life. When someone is afforded a gift of giving, they are being extended a medium through which they can incorporate an active flow of this aspect Divinity. Spiritually, this equivalence of expression activates a shared vibrancy; a powerful wavelength for creative eros. This momentum propels the giver closer to the Divinity of their own soul. This is why giving warms the heart. It is why despite being wired by evolutionary circuitry that awards conquest, the spirit of humanity continue to arise with a generous spirit.

Spiritualists see receiving in a very different way than the common man. They see receiving as a playing a constructive role in amplifying the underlying unity. When receiving, they focus their heart’s intention to dedicate the act in ways that spiritually affirm respective roles contributing to interconnectedness. This honouring of the respective roles that together imbue diversity with a realized spirit of the “whole”. This spiritual recipe for wholeness can be called “harmony”, “balance”, “beauty”; but most fundamentally for our times, “peace”.

 

For our world to achieve a lasting peace there needs to be an internal appreciation of the sacred roles respective parties contribute towards setting conditions for authentic expression and meaningful achievement. This appreciation, prepares conditions for authentic exchange and cross-polinization that bridges the honour of nations, peoples and cultures. It is an appreciation that creates the space for greater communion and spiritual interdependence. It affirms the trust that cultivates transformation through the mutual surrender involved in growing into becoming part of something so much more.

 

This should seem familiar, as this is also the nature of true love. A love that is not vulnerable can never be true love, as it lacks the very soul of reciprocal trust. Love requires a mutual surrender, a levelling of the definitions of selfhood to evoke the greater spirit with the transcendent. This is why lasting relationships require for each partner to honour the spirit of what the other is extending. It is only in this way that each will continue to inspire growth within each other. They become more than a romantic pairing, but rather help-mates for cultivating a spirit that is greater than each of their respective intrinsic assets. This involves a dedication to realization. The realized honour and trust secures the conditions for mutual vulnerability that summons the greater spirit of the whole.

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